everything makes sense. you don't have to know it but everything makes sense and there are no mysteries, there is nothing to worry about. everything is magical and in order, you've just forgotten. I'm sure of it. it must be. the way I used to experience things, the way that I felt when I went a little inward. it's so safe there. but I think it's happening all the time. this is all just conjecture, it's an idea, but I want to find it. I want to find the safe place. I want to end the suffering of my own ignorance of this place. this mythical place that has been lost for my whole memory right now. how do I get back there? does it exist? what am I even doing? am I just creating something to do? yes. I don't even know where it is that I'm supposed to be going. I should just be natural and that's it. I'm getting very sick of trying. I'm running out of steam.